Too busy to sit down, but never getting up

I've been in a funk for a while now.  A pretty long while, actually.  The benefit:I'm being more creative than I've ever allowed myself to be before.  I'm letting myself experience the potential of failure.  I'm so not good at these things by nature.  I grew up a failure.  Now I do my best to avoid it at all costs.  But, not the past few weeks.  I painted my kitchen wall yellow, as I've wanted to do for a very, very long time...  Umm, I think around this time last year actually.  I painted my cabinets beige, while sounding boring, they're actually very pretty now.  And... I've been painting a large tree on my living room wall, which I DREW!!!  Myself.  :-)  Whew!  I also decided to ski one morning at the exact time Jon and Zane were supposed to be leaving.  I've stitched up a couple of things on my sewing machine.  I've been itching to re-pierce my nose now that I have no JOB to conform to anymore.  Simple? yep. Plain? kinda. A big deal for my depressive behavior as of late? mmhmm.

I WANT to get back on my feet.  I WANT to return to the days of Shannon.  I WANT to live this life I have.

My friend, LisaD, just bought an RV.  She's been WANTing to buy an RV and move into it for at least a year.  And, a couple months ago, she said, "I'm gonna do it."  They found one and they picked it up yesterday.  They're painting this week and if all goes well, moving in this weekend.  They'll be parked up the pass until about July.  Until then, her husband will keep his current job and they will be saving, saving, saving.  She will also be planning and creating her first retreat for her endeavor, Visionary Mom.  Then, they're hitting the road.  SO inspiring!!!!!!!!!!!  Jon and I (like so many others) have planned to do this during a mid-retirement, in our 40s.  But, now as I learn about this lifestyle and how many people around America (and other countries) are doing this, I think "Why the hell leave the kids out of this?  That's not fair!"  Now, I'm not going to jump and buy an RV this month, but what I am going to do is plan for it to happen earlier than my 40s.  Much earlier.  :-)

One of the most liberating things I've ever done is pack up clothes, books, 3 of each dish, Zane, my cats, and my 3 houseplants into my Corolla to move to CO.  Food for thought.

Jon and I have a basic theme to our lives, "balance."  We've talked about balance for years, since we first met.  It's such a goal, a mindset, a way of life.  We both want it and try to achieve it.  We both sometimes find ourselves obsessing over it.  I've come to the conclusion that, as it effects every form of matter, balance is never consistent.  The balance found in a swinging pendulum is the swing itself.  Such is life.  One direction, another direction, one direction, another direction.  One goal, another goal, one goal, another goal.  On and on goes life.  We are, after all, complex forms of matter.  So, my one direction many years ago was freedom.  My direction the last few years has been stability(feeling much more stagnant as of late than the swing of a pendulum.)  Maybe, just MAYBE a nice way to combine the two is securing a mobile income whilst living EVERYWHERE.

It's tough being me.  I think I've got too much going on sometimes.  But, I sit here.  With nothing going on.  So busy. Never getting up.  I'm going to go paint.

Namaste